Life is a ball of thread. It generally keeps together but if left alone with the cat, soon it’ll unravel and become a mess of knots.
Right now, I am trying to make use of what little time I have to tie up the loose ends of my life. And also not play with cats, if you get what I mean.
There are so many facets in life, and all need to be polished.
For example, I spent half my Saturday trying to compile my music library into my Lenovo laptop, which alas, does not have a CD Drive. Since I have new music to incorporate, which I will talk about later.
My birthday is coming soon. It is tomorrow, in fact.
One thing I realised is my lack of effort to remember the birthdays of friends, even the ones beloved to me. So unless I start putting all of them in a calendar so I don’t forget (because I am definitely not able to remember all by heart), I have a better idea.
Instead of expecting to be treated well in my birthday, I will be extra nice to people instead. Like buy them Subway cookies or something.
Of course, one gift I am expecting is the Taupok. That’s something I cannot run away from, especially in the men’s club that is the army.
My aunt brought me out for a lipsmacking timsum meal at the Crystal Jade at Vivocity. It must have been expensive. I really thank her for bringing me there to enjoy one of the foods you will be hardpressed to find in the camp cookhouse.
She also paid for music albums we wanted as a birthday present. I got The Resistance album by Muse. It already had been in my sights for a while as I as I had been listening to it on Grooveshark.com for some time. I was also looking for the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack album but so far the search has been futile. One day I will have to make my way to the better-stocked HMV in town.
It rocks.
So many awesome computer games are coming out, e.g. Modern Warfare 2. Too bad my (broken) rig can’t even support games like the classic Team Fortress 2. Oh well, but computers are so expensive.
The Modern Warfare 2 trailer is seriously epically theatrical.
I’ve started to frequent the comic book section of Pasir Ris Library during the weekend, and despite the small range and lack of big titles – No Watchmen! No Dark Knight Returns! – it forced me to pick up obscure titles I wouldn’t normally pick, and boy, am I glad I did.
Yesterday, holed up in the library while it rained outside, I just tried reading the first few pages of this series called Planetary, and from a ‘OK, a check out the first few pages to see if it’s any good’ – ended up with me devouring the first two volumes. It’s that good, and it’s so different from the normal superhero novel without actually straying away from being an actual graphic novel about superpowered humans.
The series is about an organisation called Planetary, who dub themselves ‘archaeologists of the impossible’; they go around the world investigating strange stuff. Not to say Planetary itself isn’t strange. It consists primarily of four (powered) people: 3 field operatives and the ‘fourth man’, the anonymous rich guy who funds everything they do. The first issue starts with Planetary operative Jakita Wagner recruiting a lone man in a diner, Elijah Snow, to join Planetary. Several frames on, we meet The Drummer, whose power, oddly enough, has nothing to do with drumming.
From then on, the team encounter immortals, giant monsters, multiverse-crossing ships – the range of strange is endless. Later on, even Victorian characters get into the picture.
I borrowed volume 3 and the crossovers volume to read in camp, and I ended up finishing it last night.
NSFs are not allowed to blog about their activities in camp.
And considering that now I only have two-sevenths of the civilian life I once had (sometimes less), of course this blog has fallen into abandonment and despair, hasn’t it?
Furthermore, blogs have been supplanted by other Internet media like Twitter and Facebook as the favoured form of inane expression. With the exodus of the Typical Angsty Teenager from the blogosphere, Surprise! Blogs need brains now! Something I can’t spare now in my military life.
Although with more time in camp, I’m picking up reading again. I recently read “Ghosts of Onyx”, a Halo yarn by Eric Nylund. Then I borrowed from the library one of the Marvel Civil War graphic novel, and started on more literary stuff like the Pulitzer Prize-winning ‘The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao”.
Meanwhile, when bored during lectures, I doodle in my black notebook.
Living the life I love. It started discomfortingly with too much time at home, doing generally pointless things like Facebook games, notably Crazy Planets. I can’t believe how I’m so easily sucked into games with not that much entertainment value for 3 hours straight. It’s unbecoming of an aspiring househusband cum writer to waste 3 HOURS on a FLASH GAME! Can’t I at least play Team Fortress 2?
Can’t, cause my com is not functional, specifically the fan belt. But being the lazy bum I am, I haven’t taken any steps, despite longing to, to make a computer instead since you can make one with higher specs and cheaper than if I just bought it from a store.
This week wasn’t totally wasted, though.
Tuesday, some friends from MJsailing invited me to see this exhibition at some warehouse near Harbourfront to see the Straits Times’ 7.59 exhibition. I had seen quite a few of the pictures in the daily papers. They weren’t all that awe-inspiring though; not all the photography was well-done, but most were poignant reminders that life in Singapore is not as dull or humdrum as we sometimes like to make it out to be.
Out of curiosity, since our group had stumbled upon it earlier, we visited the adjacent art exhibition in the same warehouse, called ‘the Air-Conditioned Recession’.
Quite a number of artpieces were thought-provoking in their analyses of various facets of Singapore. One large piece on a wall consisted of many blown-up photographs of messy food, taken in an intentionally grotesque, yet simultaneously (uncomfortably) alluring way, fittingly titled ‘Food Porn’. I believe it questions Singapore’s boast as a food hub, perhaps making the unspoken statement that just because we have lots of food, does not mean it’s all good.
The artwork you see in the exhibition poster is the kind of modern art I like: not some silly piece that is randomly streaked with paint that purports to have meaning, but actually requires effort that is evident in the product. The artist had painstakingly, using a very thin drawing implement to draw on the inner surface of the petri dish. The drawings, more easily viewed with a magnifying glass, show people at work, at home, in a lift, doing normal everyday routines in life. It made me feel like God studying the lives of lower beings.
Of course, there was inane ‘art’ in there as well: a fast-forwarded video of some cross-legged, half-naked joker wearing a bandana opening Maggi Mee packs, stacking the noodles, and putting the seasoning into a glass before consuming all of the powder with water. For a something so meaningless, it wasn’t even done with effort; the video skipped some sequences of the noodle stacking. I presume he needed the toilet breaks.
I also went Iluma and Ion Orchard with ex-classmates this week. The latter was quite empty on a weekday, so it was pleasant walking around. I feel Ion is overhyped, though, it’s mostly clothes. I admit clothes don’t really attract me at this point in my life when I only wear civvies 2 days a week.
Also managed to catch GI Joe (finally!) with some friends the past Friday! It was like a Saturday morning action cartoon made live-action (or should I say, with CGI), on a big budget, thus more impressive explosions, WMDs, jet planes, etc., that what you’ll normally see in, say, Kim Possible. Although there were major plotholes, and one science-defying scene of ice sinking, otherwise I have no objections to a very entertaining, if un-complicated, movie.
Oh yes. After the movie, I couldn’t stop imitating the villain’s Scottish accent. It tickles me.
And also Duke’s statement, when Ripcord’s trying to persuade him to join the airforce with him: “I don’t want to be above the battle, I want to be in the battle, fighting on the ground.” Haha, he should go ASLC, was my first thought.
Storm Shadow, the coolest baddie in GI Joe: Rise of Cobra
Come Saturday, I had a nice picnic with some Trackers at East Coast park. I tried to fly a kite. It was getting higher and higher, when in suddenly swooped down and got stuck in the trees. Just like that, I lost $4.50, enough to a McDonald’s meal from 12 to 3pm. But I managed to meet the OCTs whom I haven’t seen in ages, and that was good. Also, Jon Chan introed me to this lovely song, which sounded very familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on where I’ve heard it before. I’m currently quite entranced by it.
Evening, we went to the airport to see beloved friends Beverly and Annabel off. Terminal 3 was swamped with what seemed like everyone they knew: from church, school, and who-knows where else. The place was packed. I only regretfully managed to have a few incomplete conversations with Beverly before it was time for her to board.
So the week ends. I don’t feel like I’m booking into camp tomorrow. But I know when my army life has got back into full swing, this week will seem like a dream I had long ago.
I definitely have a chronic lack of sleep. Recently, the desire to go to bed has waned. I’m becoming Batman.
I’m feeling a sadness, but it’s a good kind of sadness, a contemplative sadness.
Our cohort is now entering a period of separation, where many of us are going our separate ways.
Friends who are girls will be studying. Some will study in places where you have to take a plane to meet them. Others, thankfully a bus ride away.
Friends who are guys, will be all over the place, at the whim of the Central Manpower Base.
Some, I can hardly meet up with, OCTs with their hectic schedules.
Others, SCTs with whom I’ve had the fleeting joy when I get to converse through brief meetings when our companies brush by each other. Not any more, after today’s posting order.
There’s that low feeling that you are getting further and further away from the people you care for, the people you like to be with, the people who are your friends.
I also find in myself, this small anticipation in knowing in two years, the women will return, the men will ORD, and all of us, will be all grown up, young, but not youth.
I find it odd how I always think I have much to say, but my mind is blank when I sit down to type.
Basic status update is that I’m doing fine in the School of Infantry Specialists, if ignore my itchy back and weird knee caps.
In camp, I sometimes feel that I would be better off being at home, doing something productive, like writing, drawing, tidying my room, etc.
Then I realise, I don’t do all those things regularly anyway. When I book out, I spend too much time on websites like Facebook, playing fun, but ultimately time-wasting games.
That’s when I had my first epiphany. On the cusp of adulthood, it’s time I started thinking about what I want to do with my life. I have about 5 years before my scripted youth of NS and University comes to an end, and I will be at the point where I will have to know where I want to go next.
The question is, do I know where I want to go next? And why I want to go there?
God must still figure in the complex equation that is my life. And for me to even have an inkling of God’s plan for me, that will mean regular, dedicated, time with Him, and a lot of questioning. And that will need commitment.
The second epiphany came from my realisation that I’m a passive person, who doesn’t like to rub people the wrong way, and not taking up a stand for the things I believe in, but simply keeping quiet. Then the epiphany hit me: it’s only people who act who will influence and make change. And to be active in changing people, in changing the world, in evangelising, in helping people understand why you have faith in an invisible God, in gently rebuking the wayward Christian, is something I cannot be afraid to do. Inevitably, I will offend people, especially if the way I express myself is untactful or undiplomatic. But in the end, after I refine my interpersonal skills, there will still be those who oppose you simply because they don’t like you.
So, the conclusion of both epiphanies, is that I must begin doing. The productive hours of my life have been spent reading and learning,. Very rarely have I tried to make a difference in places where I would like to have made a difference, and very often my attempts to build the ladders to reach my castles in the clouds are half-hearted. I have not started writing any manuscripts for any short stories or novels, or actively followed tutorials online to refine my drawing. Many things I try to do, I don’t make the effort to push myself beyond the current limit I find myself in.
So, I must begin taking steps to realise my dreams and goals. So, before I embark on my journey, I must chart the route.
In the third, most exciting decade of my life,
What do I want to do?
What do I want to be?
What do I want to achieve?
This are questions I will be pondering, simmering in the back of my mind as I continue to train as a soldier capable of defending my nation.
I saw this quote in Pasir Ris MRT station that I would like to share:
“There is a calmness to a life lived in Gratitude, a quiet joy.“
I can’t say I found BMT meaningful. Memorable maybe, and even then, not that many good memories. And although I don’t think there were a lot of bad memories, somehow I find the negative easier to remember.
But BMT started to get better near the end. For most people, it would be like that, since the worst is over and there is more free time for fun and goofing off. But for me, it got better in more ways than one.
From 0 to 3 to 6 pull-ups within 2 weeks, an improvement that for me used to take roughly 4 months, I’m glad and grateful that God has allowed me to pass out from BMT without feeling like a failure.
Outside of BMT, God has also blessed me tremendously. Receiving the NUS Faculty Award despite being ill-prepared and stuttering through the interview, and an upcoming interview for USP. My undergraduate experience is already looking exciting, despite being 2 years away.
Block Leave has also been fun, meeting up with friends, eating good food, playing lots of LAN, watching a movie, and reading books like Outliers and A Walk To Remember. And I’ve also learnt how to use my washing machine! (haha.)
But I realised recently that with the amount of fun I’ve been having, I’ve forgotten my regular times with God. It brought back to mind the verse:
“Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honour him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” – Ecclesiastes 12:1
So, back to reading the Word. Otherwise stagnation will become degeneration.
I remember the day I enlisted. As we queued up to do pull-ups so our commanders could chart our progress as BMT goes on, I told the guy behind me, “I don’t think I can do much. I’ll just do a few.”
I stepped up and pulled my chin above the bar. Six times.
I was pleasantly surprised. Prior to BMT, I would do only 2 chin-ups (I could do more if I wanted) at home, once in a while when I passed underneath the chin-up bar installed in the entrance to my room.
Six, eh. I thought. With all the PT I’ll get, I’ll get even better!
Fast forward to today. After all the training, I’ve found myself unable to even pull my chin close to the bar. It’s frustrating. The last time I couldn’t do chin-ups was in Secondary 4. And even now, it frustrates me that I don’t feel weak. I feel that I still have the muscle to do at least a couple of pull-ups. But when it’s time for the muscle to react, it doesn’t.
I am not going to disclose the circumstances leading up to my current weakness. It may be considered as blogging about army training, and I am not allowed to do that.
But all I can say is, as much as physical fitness is expected to drop, for some people,, during BMT, I don’t think it’s supposed to drop this much.
Something is wrong. And I am frustrated that I cannot attribute my weakness to an identifiable cause.
I despair.
Where is the improvement I thought I’ll see?
Will things get worse?
Will things get better?
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
I’m a zero fighter baby… and I’m failing down the line.
The week after that was laidback, but really fun. I played a lot of video games like Resident Evil 5, Halo (1; the campaign’s really fun),Left 4 Dead, a bit of Red Alert 3, and best of all, Rock Band!
I slept over at two friend’s houses. One was at Gareth’s house, where I had so much fun playing co-op Resident Evil, and we also talked about stuff, I discovered his Marvel comics, and we prayed for each other. It was a fun, fulfilling night. Today is Gareth’s 4th day on Tekong, and I hope he’s alright.
The other was at Michael’s house, with most of my missions group Lawoos. We played Rock Band, and I finally can coordinate my fingers competently! At least play Bass on Medium! We also played Bohnanza, and I also used Michael’s awesome gaming PC to play a bit of L4D in the middle of the night.
I am a (noob) guitar hero!
We (some Trackers) surprised Matthias at his house early in the morning last Thursday by dunking him in his estate’s pool! He returned the favour by letting us see his beautiful tidy, minimalist room, and showing us his cute younger self in primary school photos.
Heave-Ho!
Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Saturday, Easter Sunday. I was a bit too tired this weekend, I think from playing too much. I kept worrying I wasn’t truly understanding the importance of this weekend. But I think my just wanting to treat this weekend with respect and remembrance could be something different that TRACKERS has changed about me. I don’t remember being so emotionally concerned about Easter.
Yesterday, I walked down to Pasir Ris Interchange to see Matt and Hosea off. It was nice seeing them and talking to them. Hopefully I’ll see them around School 1.
In between, I went to MacDonald’s for breakfast, and met Qahhar and Shahidah from MJC, and talked to them a bit about Uni. Qahhar wanted to study Accountancy. First friend I know who wants to be an accountant…
Right now, Wei Chiang will be boarding the bus to Changi Ferry Terminal, where he will be ferried to Pulau Tekong.
In 1 hour, it will be my turn.
I hope I don’t lose sight of God.
I also feel slightly unwell. I hope this doesn’t affect my stamina.
But I managed to meet the OCTs whom I haven’t seen in ages, and that was good. Also, Jon Chan introed me to this lovely song, which sounded very familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on where I’ve heard it before. I’m currently quite entranced by it.
